A Little Rant
by Porky Poo
Summary: Some of the characters come across some fan fiction that they don't really like and a rant is produced, as well as some other reactions. Please Review!
1. Johnlock

This is a one shot I cooked up because I was upalled by the number of Johnlock story's. I wondered what John would thing of such a thing and decided to write it down. However I am aware that John would never read FanFiction he is just not that kind of guy, but it works for the story. So without further ado here it is.

* * *

"What!? What!? Do they know we're not gay?" The exclamation cut through the silence at 221B Baker street. John had been sitting with his computer mindlessly reading fanfiction when he came across some story's about him and Sherlock that greatly disgusted him.

"Hmmm," The reply floated back to him from the kitchen were Sherlock was doing something most likely disgusting. He had only heard John because of the volume at which he yelled.

"More than half of these story's say that we are," John continued knowing that he was probably talking to himself more than Sherlock, " I know their fanfiction's, but come on!"

Sherlock stuck his head through the door, "John, shut up, I'm thinking." He announced flatly and went back to his work.

"Sherlock do you even care that the world thinks we're gay?" John was a little put out by the fact that Sherlock was as uncaring as ever.

"John you know those things bore me, I have no use for the opinion of the world," Sherlock's answer came from the kitchen, "Now be quite."

"I wouldn't mind if there were one or two, that's only one or two people, I'm fine with that." John continued, ignoring Sherlock, "But more than half of these story's peg us as gay, don't they ever get board of writing the same thing again and again?"

There was no reply from Sherlock, but John hadn't expected one, talking to Sherlock was like talking to a brick wall sometimes. But it did allow John to talk out loud to himself without seeming crazy because he was actually talking to Sherlock.

"Look at them all!" John exclaimed again, "This one's a JohnLock and this one and this one and this one. They don't ever stop!"

John was very upset by now and simply could not help but rant some more. Not that ranting was getting him anywhere but it was making him feel a little better.

"This is worse than being called a confirmed bachelor! And that was in the paper, everyone reads the paper! Not everyone reads these story's, but most of them are the same. At least there's an ok amount of Sherlolly."

The last sentence of this got a reaction out of Sherlock, who stuck his head out of the kitchen to look at John. "Sherlolly?" He asked completely puzzled at the strange mushing of the two names.

"Yes, story's about you and Molly in a relationship," John clarified with a bit of satisfaction at the fact that Sherlock was dumbfounded.

"She's a distraction, I would never let that happen," He said as he withdrew his head to go back to his experiment.

John let a little smile play across his face at Sherlock's blindness when it came to some matters.

He pushed his laptop away and picked up the evening paper. He sat for some time reading and listening to Sherlock moving about in the kitchen, the anger at being called gay pushed to one side but not forgotten.


	2. Mystrade

This is exactly like the last one except with Mycroft and Lestrade. Please enjoy! Ok, so I plan to be done now, but if you want me to do any more like this just name it and I will try.

* * *

Mycroft Holmes sat with his elbows on the desk in front of him and his finger tips pressed together in front of his lips. DI Gregory Lestrade always thought he was good at reading people but the man before him was blank, there was no expression there at all. The two men had sat in slince ever since Lestrade had entered the office. He had been summoned there because he had been told that there was some important piece of information that needed to be shared. The DI hoped that it was about one of his cases that simply could not be solved without Sherlock.

"Have you ever read Fan Fiction?" Mycroft suddenly asked, the bazar question taking Lestrade by surprise.

"Why no, I can't say that I have," He replied. This obviously had nothing to do with his case, so why was he here?

Mycroft gave a slight nod of acnolagment and then slipped back into silence. This was beginning to get on Lestrade's nerves, he had things to do, technically he was still on duty, he could not sit here wasting away the day.

"Why am I here?" He asked the silent man in front of him.

"I found a very interesting thing on the internet today," Mycroft said removing his hands from in front of his face. "something I thought you would be interested in."

"What is it?" The DI asked again, intrigued by the tone in the other mans voice.

Mycroft picked up a manila folder that had been laying on the desk and handed it across to Lestrade. Who opened it and began to read what was inside.

"What is this?" he asked when he had finished, his voice held a murderess over tone, that would have scared a lesser man the Mycroft.

"It is a story I found on a site called . This site enables fan's to write story's about there favoret characters letting them do anything they want. However, some take that liberty a bit to far, wouldn't you say?" Mycroft explained his expression still blank.

"I should say they take way more than a bit far. This is ludacrice!" Lestrade acclaimed, and then added when a sudden idea came to him, "Are there more like this?"

"Sadly, yes," Mycroft said an emotion flashing across his face to quickly for the DI to realize what it was, "But we got off easier than my brother and his flat mate, they seem to get the worst of it."

The uncomfortable silence came back as Lestrade thought about what he had just read, it had been a story that seemed to imply that Mycroft Holmes and himself were in a serous relationship with one another. Why would anyone write such a thing? And apparently there were more, many more.

"Can we get rid of them?" Lestrade questioned.

"Unfortunately, no," The answer came, "And even if we could, the damage has already been done. And more would be written."

"So there's nothing we can do," The DI summed up.

"I never said that," Mycroft informed Lestrade.

But before he could explain any farther Lestrade's phone beeped, letting him know that he had reserved a text message. He was going to ignore it but Mycroft said.

"You might want to read that, it's important."

Lestrade gave him a strange look and then pulled his phone out of his pocket. Of course Mycroft had been right and it was important, they had gotten a break on the case and his presence was required emidetly.

"You'll have to excuse me," He said as he stood to leave, "Duty calls."

"Most certainly," Mycroft said, "We will continue this conversation at another time."


	3. More Mystrade

**Authors note: Ok, so I'm not done with this story I like it too much. In this chapter John relises that Sherlock reads fanfiction. But not just any fanfiction.**

* * *

John sat in his arm-chair bored out of his mind; he had nowhere to go, no one to see, and nothing to do. He picked his laptop up from where he had put it on the floor, and popping open the lid he realized that Sherlock had once again hacked is computer. The internet was opened and he saw that Sherlock had been reading . John didn't bother getting into an argument with Sherlock about using his computer it would just end up with Sherlock telling him he needed a better password. And so he simply continued reading where Sherlock had stopped.

The ex-army doctor read in silence for a short time before he broke out in a fit of laughing, when he had gotten himself under control he called through to the kitchen, in which Sherlock was doing something most likely revolting. "What were you reading?"

Sherlock stuck his head through the door and John noticed that he was holding what appeared to be an arm. "Oh, just fanfictions, surprisingly they are very enjoyable." The consulting detective informed his friend.

"But this is a terrible story; you cannot stand there and tell you enjoy this!" John exclaimed.

"I like to get my hands on anything that could embrace him beyond believe, and this is one of those things." Sherlock explained.

"So you're just reading this for blackmail purposes?" John tried to clarify

"Obviously," Sherlock said and slipped back into the kitchen to continue with whatever he was doing to that arm.

"I don't even think your brother had ever met Lestrade, has he?" John continued aware that he was talking to himself more than he was talking to Sherlock. "Why would someone write something like this? It's far worse than you and me, at least we've met."

John looked back at the story in front of him and was very thankful that Lestrade did not know about Mystrade stories. Fingers crossed the DI didn't even know about fanfiction.

With a small chuckle to himself John pulled up his Blog and began to write down one of Sherlock's last cases.


	4. Poor John

**Authors Note: I would just like to note that I am not making fun of people who read or write slash. I am making fun of the slash itself. **

**Also not all of the fews of this story reflect those of the author. In other words forgive Lestrade, he knows not what he says.**

**Please enjoy and don't forget to review!**

* * *

The ex-army doctor claimed the stairs cautiously; he could hear the angry shouts coming from the door of the flat. He hoped he could get passed the door and up the rest of the stairs to his bedroom without being noticed. As he got closer he could distinguish individual voices, there was Mycroft and Sherlock but then another voice spoke up. Was that Lestrade? John didn't want to be caught in the crossfire of that argument and so instead of waiting to hear what was being said he ran the rest of the way up to the landing. And as he turned to go up the rest of the way he somehow managed to step on a squeaky board that had not been there before. Sadly this alerted the occupants of the flat that he was there.

"Ah, John, please join us," Mycroft's voice came through the door, and although it was said relatively nicely john got the impression that if he didn't go in there and join them something bad would happen. And so giving up all hope of escape John walked through the open flat door.

The first thin John saw was Sherlock perched in his chair simply holding his violin, Lestrade sat opposite him in Johns arm-chair while Mycroft stood at the hearth clutching his beloved umbrella.

"Finally," Greg exclaimed, "We've been waiting for you for ages."

"Seriously Gregory, it has not been that long," corrected Mycroft.

"Waiting for me? Why?" John asked wishing he could be anywhere else then in this room with these three unhappy men.

"Have you read this, Doctor Watson?" Mycroft had a way of making that question sound more like a statement.

John took the piece of paper overed to him by the British government and quickly scanned over it. "Yes I have," he said when he was done reading it, "Nasty stuff really." John wished he could sound more sincere when he said it because although it was quit nasty it was also relatively funny.

"What I want to know is where they got the idea," Greg piped up again obviously very upset, "I only met Mycroft last month!"

Detective Inspector Lestrade, please," Mycroft said making the DI quickly shut is mouth had wish he had never opened it; Mycroft seemed to have that power over people. "Now, how about this?" Mycroft said handing John a second piece of paper.

John had read only a little bit of the story before his face crinkled in disgust, "I can't read this!" He exclaimed, "Why does such a story even exist? No offence Mycroft."

"None taken," The Iceman remarked coldly, "This is simply one of many such stories on an internet site called ."

"That accursed site! It should never have been invented!" Greg was yelling this time and John could swear he was ready to shoot somebody. "Who ever invented it is a…."

"GREG!" John cut the man off before he could any farther. "We all know how you feel. At least you've only been pared with one Holmes brother; I got stuck with both Mycroft and Sherlock. This really need's to stop, I'm not gay!"

"I agree whole heartedly," Mycroft said, the term would have made John smile under any other circumstance but as it was he allowed himself a small inward chuckle, "That is why I already have a plan in mind.


End file.
